I was given the name Victoria by my parents, but when I started school, something shifted. I became Vicky — with a ‘y’. Around the age of twelve, I started writing it as Vicci. This version felt a little more like me — a quiet rebellion in a name.
Then, at 14, my family moved to Belfast — and everything changed. My English accent made me stand out. I knew so little about the history, culture or conflict of Northern Ireland. I didn’t blend in.
For some reason, the name Victoria returned. It became synonymous with sticking out — not in a proud or confident way, but in that aching, uncomfortable way that makes you want to disappear.
I began to loathe it. It felt like a reprimand. “Victoria” meant trouble, disapproval, not fitting in.
When I moved back to England at 23, Victoria remained. I met my husband around that time, and from day one he called me Toya — as if he instinctively knew that Victoria didn’t fit. Funny, really.
By the time I reached 30, I finally let go of Victoria and all that it had come to mean. I began introducing myself as Toria.
When the Past Comes Calling
Last year, I reconnected with women I’d gone to school with before Belfast. They called me Vicky — and hearing it out loud felt like slipping into an old coat. Familiar, yet strange.
Recently, a few people have started calling me Victoria again. At first, I bristled. But something softer emerged. I realised I don’t hate it anymore. It no longer feels like a criticism. It’s just another part of me — a part I’ve now made peace with.
Today, I am Toria. But I’m also Toya. T. Victoria. Bono. Mum. Mrs Bono.
Each name holds something of me. A chapter. A version. Some fit better than others — but all tell the story of who I am, who I’ve been and who I am becoming.
More Than a Name
You are not just one version of yourself. You’re layered. Evolving.
A mosaic of names, memories, identities and seasons of change.
The names you’ve carried — loved, loathed, outgrown — hold mirrors up to who you were, who you are and who you might yet be.
Coaching and Coming Home to Yourself
When I trained as a coach, I didn’t expect it to change my life — but it did. It gave me the tools and space to pause, to reflect and to gently peel back the labels I’d worn for years.
Coaching helped me ask better questions — not just about what I do or what I’m called, but about who I truly am beneath the names. Piece by piece, I began to stitch together a version of myself that felt whole, integrated and real.
Now, I support others in doing the same.
If that’s you, I invite you to begin.
Or explore more at tinyvoicetalks.com
Your Turn
Has your name ever felt like a label… or a lifeline?
Have you changed what people call you — or what you call yourself?
I’d love to hear your story. Share it in the comments or message me directly.
You are more than a name. But your name? That’s a beautiful place to begin.
Discover more from Tiny Voice Talks Coaching
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
